Saturday, August 13, 2016


GUEST POST BY GEORGE LARRIMORE      

Around 7:00am on August 19, 1966, two teenage boys crept to the stage entrance of the Mid-South Coliseum and climbed inside a couple of garbage cans.  They had tickets for the concert that afternoon but they hoped to see the boys in the band up close. They knew it would be hot that day.  Not as hot as July 17th, when the thermometer at the airport reached 101.  The day was dry, the sky a bleached blue and the two boys sat curled up inside the hot, stinking trashcans until noon, when a Coliseum employee discovered them and shooed the boys away.  The boys (whose names have been lost to history) had tickets, so they did get to see The Beatles that day. And they have a great story to tell, fifty years later.
Those teenage boys were part of the phenomenon called ‘Beatlemania.’  How big were The Beatles?  When they first appeared on television, on the Ed Sullivan Show in February of 1964, one third of all the people in America watched.  In April of that year all of the top five songs on the Billboard Hot 100 chart were Beatles songs. In April of that year they had fourteen songs in the Hot 100.  And they’ve sustained:  The compilation of The Beatles #1 singles was the top selling CD of the decade between 2000 and 2010.  In March 2013 American Idol devoted an entire show to their music.
On that day in 1966 The Beatles arrived in Memphis at around 2:30 in the afternoon after a flight from Boston where they had performed at an outdoor racetrack the day before.  They paused for pictures at the Airport then went straight to the Coliseum where two shows were booked, one at 4:00 the other at 8:30.
It was just another stop on their third tour of America, playing to promote their newly-released album Revolver.  They had met Elvis the year before so there was no need to stop at Graceland.  What no one knew at the time was that these fourteen shows would be the end of The Beatles as a touring act.  In just ten days The Beatles would play Candlestick Park in San Francisco then never play for the ticket buying public again.
There was a weird vibe in Memphis even before the concerts. Their spokesperson, Tony Barrow later called it “A nasty atmosphere.  A very tense and pressured kind of day.”  There had been death threats.
It wasn’t the music, it was what John Lennon (always known for his candor) had said to London’s Evening Standard in March of 1966: “We’re more popular than Jesus right now.”  In the same interview he predicted the demise of Christianity and Rock and Roll, or both.  In America there were calls for a Beatles boycott.  Record burnings followed.  Lennon tried to talk his way out of the controversy but it didn’t work.  The media, then as now, love to build up idols.  And then tear them down.  By late summer the controversy was still front page.
Memphis, then as now, was in large part a conservative Christian city.  It was often said back then that Memphis had “more churches than gas stations.”
That August day, a fundamentalist minister, Reverend Jimmy Stroud, was staging a rally outside the Coliseum. Six Ku Klux Klan members, in their hooded white costumes, held a sidewalk protest.   Across town, at the Auditorium, a kind of anti-Beatles rally was about to begin.  The next day’s headline in the Press-Scimitar read ‘Christian Youth Rally Jams Auditorium, Even as Beatles Play at Coliseum.’  Eight thousand young people (“a happy throng”) attended.
The Memphis City Council had already put the band on notice, voting to cancel the concerts.  But that didn’t stick. Hunter Lane, Junior, a progressive member of the Council, contacted Pat Rainer, about to go into her senior year at Central High School and President of the  local Beatles Fan Club (twenty members, all girls), asking if she wanted to present the band with a key to the city.   The key, she says, was “about an inch long” so she went out and had a bigger, brassier one made.
Rainer had tickets for both shows on the “second or third row” for the afternoon show.  And, like everyone else we’ve talked to, said the music was all but impossible to hear.  Jack Chapman remembers, from his seat, that “They were the size of ants.  And there was nothing but screaming.”
Larry Raspberry, whose band The Gentrys had opened at the Coliseum for another British band, Herman’s Hermits, says nobody took sound seriously back then.  The Beatles music was played through the house public address system.  “The same one they used to announce basketball games.”
Tickets for the shows cost $5.50, about $37.00 in 2016 dollars.  And there were four opening acts. Ironically, neither show sold out.  About ten thousand attended the afternoon show, the nighttime show drew twelve thousand five hundred.
Between shows the band held a news conference where Pat Rainer was planning to give them the key.  She recalls George Klein sitting behind her and telling her she needed to make her move.   She was suddenly  “face to face” with Paul McCartney when she handed him the key. “I opened my mouth and I could not say a word.  I could not speak.”
It was during the third song in the set (If I Needed Someone) that the most notorious moment of the Memphis concerts happened.  A cherry bomb, that sounded to some like a gunshot, exploded in the crowd, injuring three people.  
Karen Young Ockerhausen doesn’t remember much about the concert (“It was all a fog”) but she recalls the explosion. “It went off two or three rows in front of me.”  She was so frightened that she immediately left the Coliseum.
On stage The Beatles clearly heard explosion, but kept playing.  John Lennon (who acknowledged, ironically, “There had been threats to shoot us”) talked about the cherry bomb incident later in a interview.  “Every one of us looked at each other because each thought it was the other that had been shot.”
According to the Press-Scimitar, writing the next day, a girl named Vicki Arnold, then sixteen, admitted she tossed the cherry bomb.  She claimed a boy standing close to her had lit the fuse and put it in her hand and she had to throw it. But she later admitted she had brought firecrackers to the concert in her purse.  She and a boy named Richard Henry Price were taken to Juvenile Court but were later released.
It has been debated for fifty years whether the cherry bomb incident made The Beatles finally decide that enough is enough.  While it may have been a factor the whole story is a lot more complicated.
No doubt, for The Beatles, performing live was not what I had been when then they were playing all nighters in Hamburg or smoky gigs in Liverpool’s Cavern Club.  By 1966 it must have felt like playing over the sound of a jet engine.  The shows, each about thirty minutes long, could not have been satisfying.   But the most important factor may have been that they were then, making music in the studio that could not be replicated on stage.  While they had already made huge hit records their best music was yet to come.  Sgt. Peppers Lonely Heart Club Band was a year away.  Abbey Road, the White Album and Let It Be were not even in the gestation stage.  All innovative, all of it ahead of the crowd.  By 1967 the Beatles’ music was “all about the vinyl.”


Susan Weeks loved The Beatles so much that she and her cousin would play their albums to each other over the phone.  Susan’s parents drove her to Memphis for the concert from Clinton, Mississippi.   After dinner with her great-aunt they dropped her off at the Coliseum.  She was by herself, wearing a Royal Blue jumper that her mother had made.  Over that was a “psychedelic” tie that she had bought.  From her seat, about halfway back on the main floor, she could tell the boys were wearing pinstripe suits and could tell what songs they played but couldn’t really hear the music.  Not that it mattered.  She was there.  “I could not believe it was really them.”
Susan has been to hear Paul McCartney, now in his 70s, play the songs she loved when she was young.  She still loves the music.  So do her children.  And on a shelf in her closet she still has that blue jumper and the psychedelic tie.  She never washed the jumper because Paul McCartney “breathed the same air that was in that room” in August of 1966.







 

Tuesday, March 1, 2016




That's it, Kroger, you've gone too far.

Closing the Perkins store at the end of this month rips it with me.

First, you doubled the size of the Sanderlin location. I adjusted, learned the new layout, and scheduled more shopping time to board the shuttle bus from the produce to the frozen aisle.

Then you rebuilt the Plaza store, the one in my neighborhood. As long as I shop the Thunderdome on Thursday, rioting is unlikely. Even hoping the Midtown store will address critical sushi shortage in the two blocks between Fresh Market and Sekisui.

But thousands of Memphians have been buying groceries at the corner of Poplar and Perkins since, I want to say, the late 1960s. When it was Seessel's, it was the heartbeat of East Memphis.  Whether you were dashing in with your classmates after White Station let out, or indulging a late night craving for chess pie, it was the landscape we grew up with. My late friend Vic Vescovo used the black "courtesy phone" in there as an alternate home phone, dialing the house to "see if they needed anything" just as a front for seeing and being seen. I suspect he was not the only one.

Through the transitions to Albertson's/Schnuck's/Kroger, we hung in there, because we could start and finish a week's grocery shopping in under an hour door to door.

But what really kills me is parent company Delta Division's rationale, that their other stores at Truse Parkway and Sanderlin within a 1-mile radius can "better serve our customers."

Really, Kroger? Scanning the Wednesday grocery ads in a Memphis Press-Scimitar from 1966,  the groceries serving East Memphis were Carondelet, Dixiemart, Del-Farms, Stepherson's Big Star, Hogue & Knott, A & P, WeOna, PicPac, and Montesi's.  FIFTY YEARS AGO.

We might not have had sushi, but we did have some choices.


Tuesday, September 2, 2014



That Guy in the Bed Next to Me

      When I realized my son was using drugs - really using, not experimenting any more - I turned to escapism.
      When I wasn't crying (which was often), I was reading. In a year, I burrowed through Ken Follett's Pillars of the Earth, and blazed on through World Without End; all five books in the Game of Thrones series; most of the novels of T. Coraghessen Boyle; short stories by Flannery O'Conner and poems by Edna St. Vincent Millay. Words filled up the places where fear and despair threatened to engulf me.
       What I failed to read - 18 inches away from my nose - were the signs that my husband was suffering too. "What are we doing this weekend?" he would ask, and often as not, I'd say, "Nothing."
       "I'll be glad to pick us up something for dinner," he'd offer. "What do you feel like eating?"
       "I don't care." What did it matter?
       Or he'd take another tack. "I need to go to this meeting in Hilton Head in October. Come with me."
      And I'd act like the trip was a punishment. My body might have checked into the hotel, but my head was still back home with my son's problems.
       In an odd way, it mirrored those early toddler years when a man loses his place in the pecking order, upstaged by an infant who requires all his wife's time and focus. Addicts, too, can be big mewling babies who gobble up any spare energy, and tantrum when they don't get their way.
      For a time, my husband must have felt he'd lost his son - AND his wife.
      Women are so sensible: when we're upset, we say so and we say why...volubly. I've never understood why men just can't say, "I thought I would have a different kind of son, and I'm grieving that."
      But, just as our marriage rebounded after the toddler years, we're in the throes
of a marital comeback. I diverted my paperback budget to a streaming movie subscription, and know what? Binge-watching Netflix side-by-side on the sofa is a lot less solitary than books.
   
     
       
     





Wednesday, August 27, 2014

The Three-Digit Phone Call


        "Hello, is this the Piper residence? Will you take a call from your son?"
      It's the psychiatric hospital calling on my adult child's behalf. The caller ID displays only the hospital's prefix in a distant zip code. Three digits tell me two things: he's safe...and he's sick.
       How is it possible that my heart can both leap and sink at the same time?
       When I see "510," I think: "Thank God!" and "Oh no!"      
       Since it's the third hospital in a year, I have learned a few things about talking to my inpatient. I don't ask how or why he got there, because his account will be unreliable. Anything he says in the first few days is likely to be incoherent, belligerent, or maudlin. His mood will be unstable for up to fourteen days. When his conversation turns to ranting and blaming, I disengage. "Why don't we talk when we're both less out of sorts?" Click.
        I don't promise anything, If he needs something, his social worker will tell me. I don't negotiate with the disease. It's not my job to find benefits, a bed or a flight.
       It's my job to keep myself from drowning.
       I read somewhere that congruence exists when one's talk, actions and feelings match up. I am a long way from congruence. As far as what my son HEARS, my walk and my talk are consistent:  when you're ready to consider a long-term treatment situation, we will help. Until then, it's yours to figure out.
       As for what I FEEL, I FEEL like getting on a plane and flying to his bedside. I FEEL like putting him in a taxicab from the Pacific Ocean to the Mississippi River just to set eyes on him. I FEEL like sending money.
       But those actions constitute a rescue. Rescue occurs when you do something for a competent adult that they can do for themselves. And if he's competent enough to find the dope man, he's competent to find the Drop-In Center. Ditto for the medication: if he can find money for booze and weed, he can find $10 for the prescription that would keep him stable all month.
        "Act your way into right thinking" was just one of those yellowed 12-step phrases that hung on the wall at my home group...until I had to do it.  And I do mean acting: I deserve an Emmy for some of the performances I have given in the last year while my son plays Relapse Roulette.
       But maybe the congruence is starting to happen. Consider: when a hospital begins discharge planning, their first attempt is usually to reunite the patient with family, especially for youth. My son's doctor asked me to consider bringing him home. I did.
      I got very still and pretended he was arriving at the airport at 8:45 that night  - with no agreement about rehab, no ownership of his illness, no movement forward -  and I did a gut-check. (It's an old therapy trick: you make your mind shut up a minute, and listen to your gut, because it will tell you the truth.)
       And it felt...sickening. The prospect of living the last four years over again filled me with a palpable dread that made me all but swoon.
       I was polite but resolute when I emailed the social worker to decline being part of any homecoming plan.
       Poet Charles Bukowski once said he'd rather drive from New York to LA in reverse than live certain parts of his life over again.  That goes for me, too, brother. As of a few months now, the thought of hitting rewind is WORSE than the anxiety about what the next years will bring.
       Am I "acting my way into right thinking?" Or just acting? Some days it's both.







Monday, August 25, 2014

Yes, This Will Be on the Final

Jill Piper's Totally Unscientific Quiz for Addicts' Moms.

          An addict's mom has to be on her toes to get through the day. How would you handle the typical situations below?
          1.Your adult child's phone bill comes.  Do you:
                   a. Stuff in drawer with others
                   b. Divert that amount to new custom-fitted bras
                   c. Pay it because as long as she has a phone you know where she is

          2. What's the best binge food for crying jag:
               a. Birthday cake
               b. Rotel dip
               c.  Ashes

           3.     Your friend's child just finished medical school. Do you:
                a. counter that your kid is taking a “gap year”
                b. manage icy smile 
                c. say Serenity Prayer through clenched teeth

           4.     Micro amounts of cash disappear from your wallet when your adult child                        drops by. Do you:
                  a. Leave a few $1's and $5's lying around so addict won't get to your real                      money
                  b. Hide wallet in zip compartment of vacuum cleaner
                  c.  Tell yourself you must have bought something you forgot about

5.     Your son lives in a house with no utilities. Lately he's been asking you to pick him up so he can shower & use your computer to “look for work.” You:
                   a. See his number on the Caller ID and let it go to voicemail
                   b. Figure if he's resourceful enough to buy drugs, he can figure this out too
                   c. Drop everything and work on his problem
                    
                6.  My favorite film or TV show about addiction or alcoholism is:
                    a. I 'll Cry Tomorrow with Susan Hayward
                    b. My Name Is Bill W. with James Woods
                    c. Nurse Jackie with Edie Falco
                    d. The Lost Weekend with Ray Milland
                    e. Days of Wine and Roses with Jack Lemmon



                7. Who's more gratifying to blame:
                    a. Child's second grade teacher
                    b. Husband's side of the family
                    c. Self           

                 8.  Your son wants $5 for cigarettes. You:
                      a. give him $5  if he promises to go to a meeting
                      b. withhold $5 until after he's been to a meeting
                      c. buy pack of cigarettes and smoke them yourself


Self-Scoring:  The correct answer is there are no “correct” answers. ( You knew that was coming, right?) I have done “all of the above,” and a lot of them more than once. We respond to our children's addictions in a thousand different ways and employ a thousand different coping strategies. Some make us feel better for a few minutes, some make us feel worse. I have found that if I give myself permission to feel everything on this conflicting, heartbreaking continuum, I can tolerate the ambiguity of my situation. As long as there's cake.  - Jill Piper





Wednesday, July 2, 2014

If Only Longing Would Fix It


        While visiting New Orleans recently, I took in the World War II Museum. The experience begins with a simulation: you board a train, you feel it move across the rails, and through the use of film, you see a black and white America pass by the windows. Most of the young soldiers have never been more than fifty miles from home, and their future is uncertain.
       And their mothers' job was to let them go....into separation, danger and not knowing.
Those mothers had little expectation of getting word from their sons, perhaps a letter or card from time to time. Others would get that dreadful telegram from the state department.
       Theirs was some serious waiting.
       When I lost touch with my faraway son a few weeks ago – no phone, no texts, no Facebook – it took me to a new level of panic. As moderns, we expect to reach anyone, any time. Nightmarish scenarios multiplied themselves in my mind: he's friendless, he's jailed, he's overdosed.
How frequently the metaphor of war is invoked to talk about addiction: the “war on drugs,” “battling an addiction,” “in the trenches” and so on. And it's a comparison not without merit. Sometimes drugs feel that way to me, that my son is off fighting a dangerous enemy that is beyond my comprehension.
     Then I remembered the example of those World War II moms. I can wait fretfully, until I am paralyzed with worry, or I can contribute to the war effort . My most important job – and maybe the only job within my power - is to pray.


Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Loss of Focus

When my young adult son moved to the West Coast three months ago, among the wreckage he left behind was a 2002 Ford Focus. It's easy enough to shred his unpaid bills, but I have a view of his junker out my kitchen window every day. There are worse things to look at than a GM rustbucket, I guess, but this car thing has gotten personal.
For months I ignored it. But increasingly it's become a dirty, daily reminder of the circumstances that brought it to my doorstep: I moved it here during his hospitalization last July. The come-apart was cinematic in scope, featuring glass breakage, a three-day disappearance, and mystery abrasions to his extremities.
I'm not certain what triggered this episode, but I suspect pills, weed and a steady contempt for his legitimate meds had something to do with it. While he was at large, I began to worry that he'd kill somebody in his car. So I used my spare key and just took it. What would I rather deal with: someone's accident-shattered life or another of his irrational tirades? 
Last summer I had high hopes for his dual diagnosis treatment. Ditto for the three sober living situations since. But sobriety's just not in the cards for him right now. As long as he's out there, I know I can count on the disease to cheerfully refund his misery. So I plan to outwait it. 
Meanwhile, there's this eyesore in my driveway. 
How, in less than a year, does someone turn a gently driven sedan into a crackmobile? Not only was the transmission locked up, the console was ripped out, the grill fell off the front, the body has been beaten with a baseball bat, and cigarette burns have made Swiss cheese out of the cloth seats. On humid days, does the feral smell come from the rat droppings or "product" still clinging to the interior? 
Still, I continued to store his car thinking, "Pretty soon he's going to get his act together and he'll need a car to go to work," or "Once he has a job, he'll save up enough to fix it himself."
Please. As Spanky used to say on The Little Rascals, “Wish cotton was a monkey.”
It dawned on me that I myself have been as stuck as that car while he yo-yo's between treatment and relapse. I've felt unable to move forward, useless to anybody, badly beaten up and sorely in need of an interior detail. 
Last week I couldn't look at it one more day. I called and donated the car to charity. I was never so glad to see the back of anything in my life.
Removing the car opened up space in my driveway, but not nearly as much space as it made in my head. I have heard it put this way: like his Ford, I can let go, or be dragged.